On intrinsic and extrinsic motivation

Or, in other words: why some people (adults and children) are more driven and productive than others.

Over the years, but particularly since having children, people have sometimes commented on how ‘productive’ I am.

I feel awkward writing that, because it sounds like a brag.

And that’s because productivity has long been revered in our culture. After all, the more productive you are; the more you can contribute to the economy.

(Allegedly.)

As we all know: money, capital and the economy are always prioritised over health, rest, nature and relationships.

So if you are productive - producing (work, not children) - you are contributing to the economy and that makes you a valuable member of society, worthy of recognition.

Whereas being ‘unproductive’ (the opposite) has negative connotations. It’s used alongside terms like ‘lazy’.

I’m actually a big fan of laziness, and that is my natural state. I was a lazy kid, sitting still and sucking my thumb, rarely running around and definitely not being productive.

When I was just two years old, my mum started sending me to ballet lessons, because she was concerned that I might otherwise never move my body.

I’m exaggerating. But I was quite a plump toddler and a little bit of encouragement on the movement side of things was probably a wise decision.

I grew into a fairly lazy adult, too. There is nothing that brings me more joy that lying alone in bed - or on a sun-lounger - reading a novel.

My laziness also straddles parenting. So much so, that I coined a term - ‘lazy parenting’ - and wrote an article about it for Red Magazine.

But I’m also productive. I work hard and fast and I ‘produce’ a lot, in terms of books, courses, poems, workshops, Substack essays.

If I decide to, say, write a novel, I will make it happen.

One summer, just after my first non-fiction book - The Freelance Mum - had been commissioned, I wrote an 80,000-word novel in the evenings.

I did it by committing three hours a night to writing and editing, after putting my two children to bed (they were four and one, at the time).

So I was writing non-fiction by day, fiction by night and parenting young kids nearly full-time. I also had a part-time job working for a tech app and a content platform.

When I became pregnant with my third baby, I was running a growing online course business and writing my second book, Shy. I wrote another novel, too.

I know about toxic productivity and burnout - I’ve been there - but I also have this inner drive that is just there. I don’t work on it, it’s simply part of me.

A few conversations recently got me thinking, though.

Firstly, I was talking with a friend about why some kids stick to extracurricular activities, while others quickly give up.

Those ballet lessons my mum sent me to, aged two? I did them every single week until I was 18. In fact, I started doing it twice a week and then three times.

It was the same with piano lessons.

When I liked something, as a child, I became obsessed. I worked and worked at it, desperate to improve (and I was lucky that my parents could afford to support this).

Interestingly, I was never that good at ballet or piano but I kept going because there was something driving me.

My friend, meanwhile, said she never continued with anything that she started as a child, even though she had a natural talent in several areas.

We tried to work out why her talent hadn’t propelled her forward - and why my lack-of-talent hadn’t deterred me.

We couldn’t come to a conclusion other than perhaps I felt I had something to prove.

I then spoke with my dad about a new course I wanted to launch and he said: would you say you’re a grafter?

I said that I probably am. When I want to do something, I do it. I will squeeze work into the edges of everything to make sure I get it done, and on time.

He’s the same.

Again, we talked about where that determination comes from.

I have often wondered whether perhaps I’m neurodivergent, and it’s from this that I have an ability to hyper focus.

It may be partly to do with this.

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But then I heard about intrinsic and extrinsic motivation.

And my mind was a little bit blown, because I realised that the main reason I am productive is because I am intrinsically motivated.

What that means is that I’m motivated from within, rather than by external factors, like praise or reward.

I wasn’t doing ballet for all those years because people kept telling me how good I was; how I had such a natural talent, or because I was doing so well in exams.

None of that happened. I did quite badly in exams - often just scraping a pass - and no one ever told me I was good.

But I had this intrinsic motivation.

I enjoyed dancing, I liked being around friends from my ballet class, I loved the classical music being played live on piano while we danced.

I wanted to improve my technique - but not for anyone but myself.

And I also liked setting myself little challenges, linked to ballet, like learning to do the splits.

I decided to stretch in front of the telly every night until I could do them (it?). Within a month, I could do the splits, both ways, in spite of not being very flexible.

Likewise, on piano, I’d pick up complicated jazz and classical pieces and hammer away until I could play them fairly fluently (now, I can’t play any of them).

If I’d been relying on external motivation, I’d never have achieved anything, because I’m actually not naturally talented in much at all, except being lazy.

My brother said to me many years ago: you’d love to just potter around the house all day, playing piano and writing bits of poetry, wouldn’t you? That would make you happy.

To which the answer was a resounding: YES.

While my brother wanted to be out with his mates, on the building site, lifting steels and creating beautiful houses that other people could see.

Maybe he is driven by producing physical work that others can admire and invest in, while I’m genuinely quite happy to stay behind closed doors, improving just for me.

Of course, that’s not the whole story.

I’ve spent some years growing a following on Instagram and now, on Substack - and if I didn’t care about ‘validation’, surely I’d wouldn’t be doing either of those things?

But then, it’s also a way of growing my career as a writer, online and from home, around my children’s increasingly specific and demanding needs.

I’m intrinsically motivated to maintain a career that allows me to be a very present mother, because that is something else I am naturally driven to do and be.

Maybe I don’t really have the time to think about waiting for praise, because I have to earn money, I choose to mother in this way and I really enjoy my work.

So I just get on with it.

Praise is always lovely but never expected and if it doesn’t arrive, that won’t prevent me from doing my work. I keep my head down, because I want to.

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Self-directed education

I’ve been reading about the value of self-directed education in Naomi Fisher’s books, particularly A different way to learn.

My son isn’t in school at the moment and I’m working out next steps for him: whether we re-enter the mainstream, or try something quite radical.

The idea behind a self-directed education is that the child - or adult - is naturally drawn towards certain subjects, or interests, and they follow their curiosity.

Rather than being forced to learn everything taught in the National Curriculum, within a specific timeframe, these self-directed learners move at their own pace.

That might mean spending a week building a Lego fort or finessing their baking skills. It might mean diving into a specific time in history, or mostly making art.

Fisher - a clinical psychologist - believes that when we give children the freedom to learn in this way, they become intrinsically motivated.

They are not being judged through exams or ‘rewarded’ for good grades. Instead, they are following their passions and that, in itself, is the reward.

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Can you develop intrinsic motivation?

Yes.

By doing work that you feel naturally driven to do, rather than creating work for external reward or because you think it’s what you ‘should’ be doing.

Making art and sharing it, because you love making art and getting it out into the world rather than because you have in mind you’d like to impress people.

Writing because you love writing and want to become a better writer - for you - rather than because you need people to tell you you’re good at writing.

And just generally, following your natural interests, rather than being led by other people.

We are born with intrinsic motivation - it’s what makes most of us eager to learn certain early skills like sitting up, walking and talking.

But for some children, it starts to become dashed when they’re forced - at nursery; school - to spend time focusing on something they’re not naturally drawn to.

We can’t control the curriculum or how our children are being taught in school but we do have power outside of school to let our children choose what they do.

So we can encourage intrinsic motivation by allowing them to try different things and letting them drop something extracurricular that they don’t feel passionately about.

That might mean it takes some time before they find their ‘thing’ but that’s ok. After all, when it comes to kids - and adults, actually - what’s the rush?

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Tell me:

• Are you more intrinsically or extrinsically motivated?

• How do you feel about that?

• Is there something new that you feel driven to do?

• Is there something you feel you’re doing for the wrong reasons?

• Do you have a secret goal, or dream?

Annie x

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