I have a plan.

How I'm creating order within the current unpredictability of life.

On Friday, it was my birthday and life felt really good. I went for a lovely lunch with my husband and we Lime-biked to Hackney to see my sister.

We’d accepted an offer on a house and made an offer on another one.

Our son, who is currently unable to attend school, was at home and seemed calmer and more confident. He was opening up to me, and the connection felt strong.

I was full of hope.

But on Saturday, we discovered our offer had been rejected - someone had swooped in with a higher one - and the offer on our place had been (temporarily) withdrawn.

I tried to remain positive.

But by Sunday night, I felt pretty downbeat. I’d gone from being able to visualise a clear trajectory to having no clear timings for anything.

I like to know the timeframe. And to create steps within it. I picture the upcoming months with various bold sections for important dates.

And so when the carpet is pulled - an offer rejected; an offer stalled (our buyers have an issue with their buyers) - I no longer have my visual reference for the months ahead.

There’s been a lot of that, this year. Going with the flow. Adjusting as something shifts unexpectedly. Practising patience. Being ok with not knowing the timings.

But we have a very clear deadline for needing somewhere to live, in a specific area, as we’ll be applying for our daughter to go to secondary school in October.

So while there’s some time to spare, we can’t just kick back and do nothing. Anyway, that’s not who I am. I like to move fast and have everything in place ahead of time.

But there is a lot that is out of my control, right now. I can’t really control the timings of house sales/purchases; I can’t control people pulling out; I can’t control gazumping.

I also can’t control that my son can’t go to school. That means he’s at home, every day, requiring childcare and entertainment, as well as a ‘plan’ going forwards.

Planning day-to-day life for three kids - one of whom doesn’t attend school - running a business and finding somewhere to live requires a lot of mental space.

If the money was flowing in, I’d sack off work and just enjoy time with my son - going to galleries, museums, swimming - or if my son didn’t need me, I’d enjoy working.

But right now, I’m responsible for both the earning and my child. I have some help from my parents, which is amazing, but that requires an element of ‘planning’ too.

I’m not saying any of this to complain but instead, to create a picture of what life is like right now, and the various layers, sometimes overlapping, that require attention.

This morning, while trying to make sense of it, I was walking down the street with my husband saying: how can I go and look at school settings, while also working full-time?

I couldn’t work out the priority: there is the immediate need to work/earn, the immediate need to make sure my son is looked after - and his future to consider.

These competing demands felt weighty. Of course, our children matter most. But earning enough does too. We need money in order to live.

I was asking questions like: can you stall a decision on a child’s education in order to keep the money flowing in to support your family?

The answer? Well, sometimes, you have to.

I’d love to focus on just one thing, and the day ahead but I can’t. I have to think months ahead, in terms of both work and motherhood.

And so I went for a coffee with my husband to plan

I took a notepad and pen, sat in a quiet spot with him and we got clear on the imperatives, the things that would be nice, the timings we can control.

The Plan

There are six weeks left of the school term. Two of my three children go to school. And there are then six weeks of the school holidays.

We’re hoping that by September, we’ll have a provision in place for our son, which will give me back some midweek daytime hours to work.

First, I had to work out our priority. We decided that it was money. Because everything else was going to slot into place, as long as we had enough money coming in.

(Including money to pay for an education/childcare, potentially, while we wait for local authority funding to materialise.)

So, I got clear on our outgoings from now until September. Mortgage, bills, some renovation costs, food shops, days out, a possible holiday later in the summer.

I noted down the maximum amount we might need/want as well as the minimum we could get by on (by removing, for example, the holiday).

We then decided that I will continue working over the summer and that Rich will do the childcare. I’m happy with this plan. He is, too.

Our children don’t do holiday clubs so one of us needs to be available for the six-week period. We considered splitting the week but that feels harder than dividing roles.

Once we were clear on all our costs, I worked out how I was going to earn that amount, in the next few weeks, so that we’re covered.

(It will be through my next online course, more on that in a minute.)

In the background, we will have our house on the market and hopefully, a sale will go through which will enable us to get a place in London by September/October.

Having my little plan down on paper made me feel lighter. My hope returned. And now, I feel like I have clearer head for work, and motherhood.

You know what it requires to come up with a plan, work out the ‘earning’ side of that plan and put it into place?

Confidence.

Confidence in yourself, your abilities, your business, your product.

And that’s what I’m teaching in my new course The Creative Way (to build your confidence). Sign up on the early-bird price and it kicks off 8th July.

This is a lovely course to take on holiday with you, if you’re going away, or to do in the evenings if you’re caring for kids or working in the day.

It’s all about you. Meeting versions of yourself you’ve never met before, and working out which version you’d like to take forward.

These are exercises (meditations, creative journalling, ‘SQ’-building, challenges) that have helped me to move from shy and unsure to outgoing, confident and very sure.

When we are ‘sure’ we can focus.

We can plan.

And we can shift from panicked to hopeful.

There will always be situations beyond our control but it’s how we navigate them that matters.

I’m looking forward to teaching my own tools and techniques to all the women who’ve signed up. I’ve been delighted by the response so far.

If you’d like to join and have any questions, feel free to send me an email.

Tell me:

How are you today?

What is your greatest challenge right now?

What would help with that?

Break it down: what’s the priority?

What’s going well?

Annie x