I want to create and produce and earn money and feel fulfilled. And I need to do these things, too. But everyone says women should rest more and so sometimes, I get myself in a muddle.
My rest changed when I learned about the seven types of rest and the difference between active and passive rest — there’s a few talks and articles about it. Here’s one — https://startupparent.substack.com/p/seven-types-of-rest
Which is to say I think you’re onto something - rest isn’t just lying down; rest is also socializing, creativity, swimming, nature, and so many more things that refuel us
I relate to this so much! I find my days are absolutely packed and an evening (like tonight's) where I don't have plans, I give myself things to do (like catching up on Substacks and making Substack connections!).
I'm 31 and a lot of my friends are starting to slow down in life - whether they're changing careers from corporate world to full-time mom, or settling down and marrying a person, or moving out of NYC and thus like to just naturally fall into a less social life. I, on the other hand, feel most productive when I am DOING. Granted, my act of doing also encourages me to do things that are genuinely fulfilling to me. Taking my dog for a long walk, working out, sipping my matcha...baking all of these things into my day on top of work can sometimes be overwhelming, but I find I show up to my job a much better person. It could be easier to roll out of bed and just make my way to the desk or rush to the office; to come home from work and just sit on the couch ordering take out. But the more I push myself to stay busy, produce activities and engagements, form connections, etc. the genuinely happier I am. I do have to remind myself to slow down sometimes, but slowing down for me can be a different version of productive.
Tonight, I took my dog for a long walk in the park after work with zero plans after 5PM. I came home, cooked a lovely meal, and am now doing some Substack work. It's a calm, restful night that still leaves me feeling accomplished!
I’m reading this on day 6 of enforced rest due to a horrible virus. I’m so grateful to be self employed and not having to slog into an office before being fully well. Anyway…
I think rest needs to change throughout our lives. Especially for women. The hardest thing is to trust your body to tell you what is right rather than worrying about what other people think you ‘should’ be doing. I’m in the midst of menopause and the signals are very confusing right now!
In my 30s and 40s I had periods of intense activity balancing work, kids, exercise, socialisling. Every few months I would spend an entire Sunday in bed reading. Seemed to work for me. Now my kids have left home and I work with my husband it’s harder to see when the obvious times to rest are. It’s definitely a work in progress figuring it out.
I’m wondering if you’re actually getting a bit more rest than you realise with being apart from Rich in the week? Although 3 kids on your own is a handful there’s also a more autonomy in the day to day decisions. Also more time on your own terms in the evening?
My kid's teacher has been coming into school for two days then having a day off, another day in, another day off... so I hear you on the benefits of being self-employed and able to simply stop for a week, until you're properly recovered. Having been freelance for so many years now, I really do forget the big benefits, sometimes.
Interesting thought re. midweeks without Rich. There is definitely something in there. Especially as he then comes and takes over bedtimes for two nights, which never used to happen when we were together all the time (we spilt the kids at bedtime). I'm with my parents in the eve, so still a sense that I don't have full autonomy, but one less person to worry about, in a way.
This brings to mind one of my favourite quotes, from David Whyte - "The antidote to exhaustion is not rest, but wholeheartedness". While I definitely love a rest, energy for me often comes more from the concept of "spaciousness" - that I can luxuriate in feeling open. possible, able to stretch and flex and be.
I love a good conversation about rest. I, too, hate the idea of rest. It feels sticky and brings to mind lethargy and apathy.
But I also know if I ignore the little signs that I’m getting exhausted and may crash, that “rest” is needed, and that the key is in the definition.
Is it physical rest from lots of physical exertion (I like to workout to get energy but can push too far and end up injured), or is it mental rest from lots of planning and thinking or is it more of a change - a rest from too much stimulation that comes with the school holidays and looking after kids (with all of their energy) and meeting their needs.
So it’s the definition of what it means. Surely rest should result in something positive. More energy or lighter mood perhaps. And that will vary person to person and in different situations.
Thank you for sharing this. I have been confused with how to rest - I’m told I need to do more but I’ve always struggled to it in the “traditional” way. Reading this and the comments, I’m intrigued and excited to find out more. Especially as my “get up and go” has been pretty non existent for myself, since having kids.
As a mother of littles and full-time professional who cannot for the LIFE OF ME stop the side passion projects (my substack being one of them), I get this in my bones. We all need rest, but we also need a certain forward momentum that is true to us. Thanks for these insights!
I so relate to this! Love it when that creative wave rolls in. And work feels like a rest from motherhood for me too. I’m just wobbling my way out of a lot of the mother role and having some more space due to nursery starting. Thank you for the viewpoint of going hard and making things happen as a masculine energy that we can then put down and move to the feminine where it’s needed. Rest for me looks like early nights, stretching and my shakti mat before bed x
Once again such a great topic that taps into something we're all wrestling with! I find work is definitely a 'rest' from motherhood for me (I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I think that when you are doing a job you enjoy and can regularly be in 'flow' then it drains you less). And having time for myself to do things I love, away from domestic and parenting duties, is also very restful. Neither of those types of 'rest' involve lying on the sofa! Will definitely check out that article link, very interesting.
Great article. Perhaps the city is giving you lots of energy! Sometimes place can affect our energy levels. I live just outside of NYC and whenever I go into Manhattan I feel a surge of energy.
My rest changed when I learned about the seven types of rest and the difference between active and passive rest — there’s a few talks and articles about it. Here’s one — https://startupparent.substack.com/p/seven-types-of-rest
this article looks brilliant, thank you for linking, I'm going to have a read x
Which is to say I think you’re onto something - rest isn’t just lying down; rest is also socializing, creativity, swimming, nature, and so many more things that refuel us
YES!
I relate to this so much! I find my days are absolutely packed and an evening (like tonight's) where I don't have plans, I give myself things to do (like catching up on Substacks and making Substack connections!).
I'm 31 and a lot of my friends are starting to slow down in life - whether they're changing careers from corporate world to full-time mom, or settling down and marrying a person, or moving out of NYC and thus like to just naturally fall into a less social life. I, on the other hand, feel most productive when I am DOING. Granted, my act of doing also encourages me to do things that are genuinely fulfilling to me. Taking my dog for a long walk, working out, sipping my matcha...baking all of these things into my day on top of work can sometimes be overwhelming, but I find I show up to my job a much better person. It could be easier to roll out of bed and just make my way to the desk or rush to the office; to come home from work and just sit on the couch ordering take out. But the more I push myself to stay busy, produce activities and engagements, form connections, etc. the genuinely happier I am. I do have to remind myself to slow down sometimes, but slowing down for me can be a different version of productive.
Tonight, I took my dog for a long walk in the park after work with zero plans after 5PM. I came home, cooked a lovely meal, and am now doing some Substack work. It's a calm, restful night that still leaves me feeling accomplished!
Love this. The narrative of rest does us a disservice, have you read/ watched Dr Saundra Dalton Smith's 7 types of rest? xx
Thank you Tamu. Yes, I've just been reading on @startupparent Substack, as she linked it in the comments... really intersting. https://startupparent.substack.com/p/seven-types-of-rest Ax
*interesting, even
:)
I’m reading this on day 6 of enforced rest due to a horrible virus. I’m so grateful to be self employed and not having to slog into an office before being fully well. Anyway…
I think rest needs to change throughout our lives. Especially for women. The hardest thing is to trust your body to tell you what is right rather than worrying about what other people think you ‘should’ be doing. I’m in the midst of menopause and the signals are very confusing right now!
In my 30s and 40s I had periods of intense activity balancing work, kids, exercise, socialisling. Every few months I would spend an entire Sunday in bed reading. Seemed to work for me. Now my kids have left home and I work with my husband it’s harder to see when the obvious times to rest are. It’s definitely a work in progress figuring it out.
I’m wondering if you’re actually getting a bit more rest than you realise with being apart from Rich in the week? Although 3 kids on your own is a handful there’s also a more autonomy in the day to day decisions. Also more time on your own terms in the evening?
My kid's teacher has been coming into school for two days then having a day off, another day in, another day off... so I hear you on the benefits of being self-employed and able to simply stop for a week, until you're properly recovered. Having been freelance for so many years now, I really do forget the big benefits, sometimes.
Interesting thought re. midweeks without Rich. There is definitely something in there. Especially as he then comes and takes over bedtimes for two nights, which never used to happen when we were together all the time (we spilt the kids at bedtime). I'm with my parents in the eve, so still a sense that I don't have full autonomy, but one less person to worry about, in a way.
Wishing you a swift recovery from here x
This brings to mind one of my favourite quotes, from David Whyte - "The antidote to exhaustion is not rest, but wholeheartedness". While I definitely love a rest, energy for me often comes more from the concept of "spaciousness" - that I can luxuriate in feeling open. possible, able to stretch and flex and be.
I love what you've described here, I can feel it in my body x
I love a good conversation about rest. I, too, hate the idea of rest. It feels sticky and brings to mind lethargy and apathy.
But I also know if I ignore the little signs that I’m getting exhausted and may crash, that “rest” is needed, and that the key is in the definition.
Is it physical rest from lots of physical exertion (I like to workout to get energy but can push too far and end up injured), or is it mental rest from lots of planning and thinking or is it more of a change - a rest from too much stimulation that comes with the school holidays and looking after kids (with all of their energy) and meeting their needs.
So it’s the definition of what it means. Surely rest should result in something positive. More energy or lighter mood perhaps. And that will vary person to person and in different situations.
Thanks for the prompts Annie!
what a clever way to break down the type of rest you might need. I love this. Thank you x
Thank you for sharing this. I have been confused with how to rest - I’m told I need to do more but I’ve always struggled to it in the “traditional” way. Reading this and the comments, I’m intrigued and excited to find out more. Especially as my “get up and go” has been pretty non existent for myself, since having kids.
Rest; here I come! 😁
As a mother of littles and full-time professional who cannot for the LIFE OF ME stop the side passion projects (my substack being one of them), I get this in my bones. We all need rest, but we also need a certain forward momentum that is true to us. Thanks for these insights!
I so relate to this! Love it when that creative wave rolls in. And work feels like a rest from motherhood for me too. I’m just wobbling my way out of a lot of the mother role and having some more space due to nursery starting. Thank you for the viewpoint of going hard and making things happen as a masculine energy that we can then put down and move to the feminine where it’s needed. Rest for me looks like early nights, stretching and my shakti mat before bed x
Once again such a great topic that taps into something we're all wrestling with! I find work is definitely a 'rest' from motherhood for me (I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I think that when you are doing a job you enjoy and can regularly be in 'flow' then it drains you less). And having time for myself to do things I love, away from domestic and parenting duties, is also very restful. Neither of those types of 'rest' involve lying on the sofa! Will definitely check out that article link, very interesting.
Great article. Perhaps the city is giving you lots of energy! Sometimes place can affect our energy levels. I live just outside of NYC and whenever I go into Manhattan I feel a surge of energy.