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Elin Petronella's avatar

Very interesting read and take on selfishness! I can’t help but realize that the vision of what’s selfish and not must be very culturally related as well. Despite us living in an increasingly globalized and homogeneous world, there are still distinct differences in the subtle nuances.

For example, to someone from Sweden it seems fully reasonable that you chose to have aid twice a week for your second child starting at 10 months in order for you to work, it would even be considered selfish if you kept your child with you for longer than the standard (1year). The latter is my experience where I’ve been shamed of choosing to keep my children at home. On the contrary, while living in other parts of the world it was seen as normal.. How paradox it all is and I can’t help but conclude the same thing: we must stop to contribute and conform to the general judgements regardless of “what side” they’re on and trust that mothers will act according to what they intuitively feel is the best for their family (including the well being of themselves).

I think the matriarch has been teared down due to disrespect of women’s ability to decide and know for themselves without a holding hand from society. Birth is another concrete example where the medical system claims to know the individual women’s bodies better than they do. Let’s start trusting our instincts instead of handing it over to someone else (whether it be science, society or what have you).

In your case, I’m 100% certain that you wouldn’t choose to (in your perception something selfish) do anything that would be harmful to your children. That would be nonsensical!

I can only end with this: Follow Your Gut!

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Adele Jarrett-Kerr's avatar

The bias against mothers means we get it every which way, don't we?! I felt that (some) others saw me as selfish for choosing to stay home with my children and had to make my peace that I was doing what felt right at the time. I appreciate the reminder that trying to have a full career while also looking after children is impossible because I home educate and I regularly get frustrated with the limitations. Though this feels right in this season, I appreciate the reminder to close my eyes and ask what's important (and what I need).

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