Why I'm no longer ambitious

And how you might like to re-think your own ambition

For the past 17 years, I’ve been working towards achieving some kind of ‘success’. Public recognition, financial success and general approval.

(Prior to that, life was all about fun, mischief, adventure and friends.)

It started with a project in my late teens called ‘Dear Someone’. I’d been writing poems since childhood and decided to now get them out into the world.

So I wrote a new collection of poems, popped them in manilla envelopes, addressed them ‘Dear Someone’ and left them around the UK.

I had a bunch of friends who’d take them out as well, leaving them on hedges, Tube seats and in bookshops.

The idea was that someone would find one and it would brighten their day. But although I didn’t sign my name on them, I did have an email address on the back.

And I’d hear from some of the people who found them - one man in Germany who’d discovered one in a graphic novel; a woman who found one at a festival.

So there was an element of ego there; I wasn’t able to detach myself entirely from being known as the writer.

From there, I co-edited an arts magazine, modelled in photoshoots and continued pushing my writing.

I didn’t intellectualise it at the time, but I think I really wanted to be ‘known’. Perhaps it was linked to my childhood shyness and sometimes feeling invisible.

Or maybe it’s because I was hanging out with people who were ‘known’ in various ways - for graffiti, DJ-ing, making art, songwriting.

Down the line, I created my own online platforms and shared articles online that people would read. And then I started getting commissions from other publications.

I had - and have - ideas about where I was headed. Big dreams.

Though I also like a simple life; I love rituals and routines.

However, I find the term ‘ambition’ incredibly masculine and this makes sense, as it stems from the Latin ambitionem, meaning ‘going around especially to elicit votes.’

This suggests a political edge and of course, back then it would have only been men who were allowed to be ‘eager or [have an] inordinate desire for honour or preferment’.

Women who were ‘going around’ eager to be liked or gain favour would have been called slags - or the Latin equivalent - and removed from society altogether.

And the masculine connotations prevail today. When you hear the word ‘ambitious’ do you picture a woman or a man?

I think most of us would picture a male, hungry for success, who will push anyone out of his way to get there - or something similar.

‘Ambitious’ doesn’t sound, to me, like a woman who loves collaborating, encouraging others and opening doors for her peers. It sounds like the focus is on ‘self’.

Because it is.

That said, dreams can be personal - and about personal gain - but ‘dreaming’ has a different connotation.

It feels like the more feminine act of ‘imagining’, getting creative, thinking, observing, desiring.

That’s why I changed the name of this course from ‘How to be more productive’ to ‘Design your dream life’.

Productivity, like ambition, feels like pressure to me. A strong masculine energy rather than a more enquiring, creative feminine energy.

And look, we need both. The masculine helps us to channel energy, take risks and move forward boldly, while the feminine encourages us to think beyond ourselves.

For me to describe myself, or to be described, as ‘ambitious’ feels very career-focused. It knocks motherhood out of the mix entirely.

And yet that’s very much there, and central.

The women I coach often have a really clear idea about their dreams but they feel derailed by low confidence and/or their caring responsibilities.

They come with big, excitable energy - or quiet and curious energy - and want my help with working out what to do, to make those dreams come true.

And I absolutely love creating space for them to explore this.

But what I was seeing happening was that women were signing up for ‘power hours’ (another masculine word there, ‘power’) and feeling all fired up…

but then motherhood, or the day job, or low self-esteem rocked their perch and they found it hard to fly back up, alone.

So I’ve decided to take power hours off my website, at least for a while, and to instead offer a series of six coaching sessions.

I want to help women to dream - first session - and then to be there, by their side, while they move forwards.

The best progress I’ve seen with clients has been with those I’ve done longer-term coaching with. It makes sense: with a good coach, you feel held and heard.

And as women, that’s what we need. The feminine is all about receiving, reciprocity and coming together.

Combined with the masculine solo work between sessions, this creates the perfect environment for all those dreams to start coming to fruition.

As I said in my last email: I now have a ‘day job’ three days a week - but I’ve realised that while writing is my centre; my heart - coaching is the light surrounding it.

Getting to coach women and to help them make their dreams come true - work/life - brings me great joy and, in fact, inspires my writing.

I became a journalist because I wanted to hear people’s stories. And I became a coach because I want to support them with the next chapter.

So now I do both.

If you’re looking for proper support, through a series of six coaching sessions - one hour a week, plus emails in between - I’d love to hear from you.

You can read more about my coaching offer here. And reply to this email if you have any questions.

And for my own ‘self work’, I will continue to dream and set manageable goals and believe in myself - in a fierce, passionate feminine way…

but I’m no longer thinking about ambition.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on ambition, dreams, the masculine and feminine?

Love,

Annie x