Read this. And then put your phone away

If you're sick of automatically reaching for your phone and dipping into apps mindlessly, here's how to do things differently...

When one of my lovely readers asked me a while back to write a piece on reducing screen-time and social media use, I said I’d do it.

But then I didn’t.

Because I was addicted, too, and needed to find a way out myself before I could share tips with anyone else.

I’ve been through stages, in the past, of leaving my phone in another room at night, never taking it to the toilet with me and only checking it three times during the day.

And I’d recommend all three of those things.

But I’m not doing them now, and so I decided to try some new techniques so that I could honour the request and write about what is actually working for me.

I made some changes and in the past week, I’ve reduced my overall screen-time by 10% (it’s a start), and my time on Instagram by 50%.

There is an indisputable link between over-use of social media and poor mental health, especially amongst younger people.

Those younger people are looking to their elders for guidance but they’re not getting any, because we all have our heads stuck in our phones.

So, I decided to do my part in response to the reader request but also for my own mental health - and that of my children, as they get older.

Here’s what I did to reduce my screen-time and social media use

1. I stopped feeling so guilty about my phone use

I decided to accept that like so many others, I was struggling with this weird addiction to my phone and these apps but that it wasn’t my fault.

The dopamine hit from a ‘like’ on Instagram is real. You feel good so you keep going into the app hoping for more.

‘Just like a gambling or substance addiction, social media addiction involves broken reward pathways in our brains,’ says tech and science writer Kelly McSweeney.

‘Social media provides immediate rewards — in the form of attention from your network — for minimal effort through a quick thumb tap. Therefore, the brain rewires itself, making you desire likes, retweets, emoji applause and so on.’

And when we don’t get it, we become frustrated, disappointed and low.

This is a pretty rubbish cycle to be in. And being reminded of the science was helpful, for me. As was relinquishing some of the responsibility for feeling this way.

We need to blame the tech giants, not ourselves.

2. I reminded myself that I have a choice

That said, we do have a choice about our phone and social media use. If we choose to change it, we can do that. The tech giants don’t have full control over us.

3. I got clear on why I go on Instagram

I use Instagram for work - sharing my writing; announcing new coaching/course offers - and it’s a really valuable platform for me.

I also love the community, the chats in my DMs, the wisdom people share that I really do learn from and the recommendations for books, holidays, clothes and more.

But I also remembered that I am a creator, more than a consumer, of content.

What I love doing on Instagram is sharing my view of the world, through words. I love creating the posts, putting them out there and the conversation that ensues.

However, I do get inspiration from the app as well, so I decided to focus mostly on creating and just occasionally consume.

4. I started flipping negative thoughts in positive ones

So instead of:

I’m always on my phone.

I’m addicted it.

I wish I wasn’t so weak

I started saying:

I’m excited to take a different approach to my phone use.

I can make changes if I want to.

I’m in charge of how I spend my time.

5. I worked on reducing my general anxiety

I find myself reaching for my phone more when I’m feeling anxious. It’s a distraction from the feeling of unease. But it also makes the anxiety worse.

So I decided to reduce my anxiety, and see what happened to my phone use.

To do this…

• I quit drinking alcohol.

• Put more effort into my diet (vegetables I’m growing in the garden, loads of pulses, only organic meat, homemade granola for breakfast with no added sugar and lots of gut-friendly yoghurt and berries).

• Got back into running - one mile a day, first thing in the morning (well, after my three instant coffees. Yeah, I didn’t give them up. They’re pretty weak. And I love them).

• Discussed work/parenting with my husband, and what we can do to each feel we have enough time to do both without constantly rushing from one thing to the next.

Reader, it worked. I started to feel less anxious and without even thinking about it, I was reaching less for my phone.

I stopped scrolling first thing in the morning and last thing at night. And if I did reach for it, I was able to quickly decide against getting stuck in.

We’ll see how I get on over the summer holidays but I’m keen to stay on this new, lighter path.

One step at a time.

You can do it too (if you want to).

Love,

Annie x

Ps. If you’re looking for a longer read, you might like my non-fiction books: Raise your SQ, Shy and The Freelance Mum.

Pps. I’m so grateful to those who support my writing by paying £3.50/month. If you’d like to support this Substack too, you can do that here…