I'm having an unusual midlife crisis

Even as a child, I understood that a midlife crisis might involve starting a band, wearing a leather jacket (as a man) and extramarital affairs.

Then, when I was in my early 20s and living in Brighton, I experienced one vicariously.

There was a man sat near me and my friends in a pub and he was very drunk. He kept coming over to chat up my friend, slurring and stumbling.

She was pretty awkward about it and so was his wife, who eventually came and apologised, said it was his 40th birthday and that he was having a midlife crisis.

What a scene.

(I think he was wearing a leather jacket.)

I thought that I would never have a midlife crisis, because I had so much fun in my teens and up to the age of having my first baby, aged 28/29.

(I went into labour aged 28 and came out aged 29.)

I travelled, raved, had experiences that I will never write about because they were so ludicrously dangerous, went to festivals every summer and properly lived.

I have had romantic relationships; friendships; seen the world; experienced the arts; learnt new skills; moved around and lived in different places.

So, I knew that I’d get to middle age with no regrets.

And now, on the brink of turning 40 (early middle age), I can say with total confidence that I have no regrets, except maybe that I didn’t live in Paris for a year.

(But I don’t hugely care about that.)

What mattered to me through childhood, teenage-hood and adulthood was that I would become a mother, have a family, be creative and earn a living as a writer.

(Maybe I didn’t think so much about the money side of things, as a child, but I’m pretty sure I wanted to be a writer, except when I wanted to own a hotel.)

Now, I will turn 40 with nearly everything I dreamed of. So, what shape will my midlife crisis take? What is there to rebel against? What is there left to do?

Because I’m definitely feeling a shift.

My unusual midlife crisis