I used to get really jealous of other women

Now I don't. Here's why...

As a teen and young adult, I measured myself against other females my age.

If they were thinner when I was feeling too fat, I’d feel jealous.

If they had clear skin when I had spots, I’d feel jealous.

If they were clever and I was struggling with my exam revision, I’d feel jealous.

If they had cooler clothes than me (most people did), I felt jealous.

I’d been taught to perform for the male gaze and that meant looking slim and clear-skinned.

But I’d also been taught that to be attractive, I needed to be happy-at-all-times and intelligent.

And so when, aged 23, I met my husband, Rich, I was full of insecurities about whether I would remain ‘good enough’.

I knew he liked me when we first met, but would he find someone better?

To Rich, I seemed full of confidence.

I danced wildly on nights out, chatted loudly and a lot, I had a wide social circle.

And that was part of the attraction.

When I left London for Somerset and we moved in together, six months after meeting, our life became quite small.

Small in a lovely way: we were cocooned in a cottage, baking casseroles and going for long countryside walks, tending to our chickens and feeling rather in love.

But on a trip back to London, I couldn’t handle the attention he was getting from another woman.

She was louder, seemingly more confident, had lovely blonde hair and a big smile - and she was really flirting with him.

I know now that he finds this kind of attention quite annoying but back then, I didn’t.

So that old feeling of inadequacy hopped right back in and I saw GREEN.

I felt so incredibly jealous.

It’s ridiculous, really. We were living together, happy, having a lovely time - why would I find this other woman a threat?

And yet I did.

When I was trying to conceive my first baby, I’d feel jealous of anyone who became pregnant quickly. Red-hot jealous, because I longed for a baby.

After having my first two babies, and experiencing my body changing in ways I couldn’t control, I struggled.

I’d see my child-free friends with their ‘normal’ bodies and see that mine was now different. Scarred, loose, coated in stretchmarks.

I’d wish I could look as I did pre-babies, but keep the babies.

But that’s not how any of this works.

And as I came to realise this, I was able to shift my mindset.

Though it’s only in the past few years that I’ve stopped comparing myself to other women and feeling jealous.

Since getting to know myself - and others - better through therapy, coaching, conversation and experiments.

Now, if I see a woman with what I consider to be a ‘beautiful’ body, I don’t feel jealous.

I don’t ever get jealous when my husband speaks to other women (or they try to flirt with him).

And I am no longer jealous of people’s careers.

Here’s what I did to shift my mindset (it’s a three-step coaching process)…