Conscious karma (an easy way to make the world a better place)

After a rubbish customer service experience in a chain store, I could see two options: complain or do nothing. But then I came up with a third option...

It’s the middle of the summer holidays and I’m trailing my three kids around a rundown Somerset town centre looking for a shoe shop to replace my son’s school shoes that got so catastrophically covered in dog shit, they became unwearable.

We find a shoe shop and excitedly enter. There’s no one in there: amazing. We can do this quickly.

Except we can’t, because the manager is inexplicably furious that we don’t have an appointment.

That shouldn’t be a problem, I say, as there is no one else in here.

But she maintains that it is. And disappears without telling us where she’s going. I start measuring his feet myself and ask a young man who works there if we can have a pair of school shoes, any school shoes, in his size.

The manager comes back out and says to me: did you measure his feet flat on the ground? She has a twinkle in her eye. Yes, I say, excited that now we are getting on.

Nope, she says, delightedly, it will be completely wrong if you did it like that. 

Oh dear. It seems she was trying to catch me out. I’m a bit confused because she’s running a shoe shop and I want shoes and I’m ready to spend money on them but it seems she doesn’t want me to.

She measures his feet herself this time but it seems she can’t measure feet either, as the size she requests from the young guy working there doesn’t fit. Eventually, through trial and error, we work out his size and get him a pair of shoes.

The young man takes them to the counter and I pay. As we’re about to go out, the manager says to young man: did you check the shoes? He looks worried. He said they felt comfortable, he responds.

Well, if you didn’t check, you won’t be able to use that in your training, she says.

Hold on a minute, I say, he’s been really helpful. If he needs to check the shoes fit ok, I’ll ask my son to come back in.

She agrees to this, my son reluctantly puts the shoes on again, the young guy checks them and we can leave the shop, knowing no one’s in trouble.

I feel furious. Mostly about the way the manager is treating the guy she’s supposed to be training. There is a complete lack of empathy and professionalism. Those conversations should be had calmly in the back room, not in front of us.

As a formerly-passive person, I feel very triggered by what looks like workplace bullying. I feel it’s my place to explain what she’s doing wrong. So I’m about to go back in and take her to one side to tell her, but I decide not to.

I’ll write to head office instead. And explain not only about how shit the customer service was, but also how badly she is treating this new employee. But this feels very negative. And I’m not sure it’s going to get the response I’m hoping for.

I decide to do something else entirely.

I decide that I’m going to leave that shopping experience behind me, hope that the young guy feels strong enough to complain himself (or leave), and to instead go out of my way to give positive feedback to every person who offers a good service.

It starts with the cafe we go into for lunch after the shoe-fiasco. The staff are cheery, the food is simple and delicious and the experience is 10/10. I tell them this before leaving. I gush with praise, and they seem very pleased.

When I get one of those pop-up ‘do you like this app’ boxes on my phone, I respond with five stars - because I do like this particular app - and write a review.

I then go to Google, find my favourite family restaurant in Frome, where I live, and write a review for them.

Spending my time hunting for the good experiences, people and businesses feels positive. I want to boost people, rather than get sucked into a negative spiral of complaints.

Complaining is stressful. It traps your energy and alters your thought process. You find yourself picking out other things that aren’t quite right. Complaining about that, too. And the next thing. And the next.

I don’t want to be whipped up in a tornado of pessimism and cynicism; I want to be floating in an ocean of delight.

I don’t want to complain; I want to praise.

It’s much like choosing to focus on the behaviours our children display that are kind and thoughtful and deserving of praise, rather than giving attention to the naughty behaviours (beyond a clear “No, we don’t do that").

This approach often makes children want to be kinder and more thoughtful, as it feels good to be told that we’re doing well at something.

So I’m choosing to buoy up the businesses that are offering a really good service instead of getting wrapped up in the crap stuff.

The businesses with bad customer service? They’ll see footfall drop and will either get an independent advisor in, who’ll deliver the truth, or close down. Either way, it’s unlikely to last.

What’s the karma element?

Karma is a practice rooted in Buddhism. The idea is that if you intentionally perform good deeds, you’ll see good things happening to you in return.

Often, we’re encouraged as children to be kind, to share, to help someone when they’re in need. And so all this becomes automatic. When someone drops their bag of shopping, most of us stoop down to help.

I believe in karma in the spiritual sense: the energy transfer that takes place when good thoughts and behaviours take place (attracting more goodness back).

But also in a very logical sense: you do kind things. People like you more. They want to help you back. And so it goes on: a kindness snowball gathering wonderful speed.

By choosing to focus on, and praise, our positive customer experiences, we will be karmically aligned to receive praise and positivity back.

While choosing to deliver criticism and call out every bad experience will put us in a negative state that attracts more crappy experiences.

Caveat

There will be certain experiences and situations that do need to be called out. We can’t all float around pretending all is well if someone is in danger, for instance.

But we can decide when it’s for us to intervene and when it might be best left for someone closer to help.

And if we feel it’s our duty to become involved, we can support ourselves - or another person - in that specific situation, while being mindful that it is a singular incident.

What I mean is: we can deal with the situation at hand, without letting the negativity permeate every part of our lives. Keep it focused on that, and then move on.

Want to join me in conscious karma?

You could choose to write one restaurant review on Google, review one app and write a personal email to someone who is delivering a brilliant service.

It will make their day. It may well make your day, too.

And we will all be doing our bit to spread some positivity and kindness and good energy around the place.

Sending love,

Annie x