Choosing an outfit when meeting new people
And the connotations our clothes carry…
I don’t usually write about clothes and fashion but there was a situation recently where I found myself dwelling on my outfit choice and it got me thinking about how we present ourselves, the connotations that clothes can hold and the feminist implications of fashion. Also, I need to tell you about this time a woman I was working with went so bold and I’ve still not quite sussed it, to see if you can help me out…
A few weeks ago, I went to London to meet a group of women who have daughters in the new class my daughter will be joining in January. They’d very kindly invited us to a Christmas gathering to welcome us to the new school.
As I packed my bag for the train I thought about what I’d wear to meet them.
I had a new pair of pleather leggings and light brown thick-cotton polo-neck jumper that I liked wearing together. But I wasn’t sure ‘pleather’ was the energy I wanted to be putting out.
Most days, I wear cream joggers and an Aran knit jumper, I wondered if I should just stick with my usual uniform? But it felt a bit casual for a festive gathering.
In the end, I went with a knee-length beige cord dress from Toast, with woollen socks and dark brown lace-up Birkenstock boots.
I felt like ‘me’ and dressed up enough but without the wild card pleather.
As I went through clothing options - all within a limited ‘capsule’ colour palette (beige, cream, earthy tones, black) - I thought about the connotations of certain outfits.
And I felt conflicted.
On the one hand, I believe you should wear whatever you want, whenever you want - as long as you feel like ‘you’. No rules. Choose whatever makes you feel energised.
Dress up, dress down, dress somewhere-in-the-middle.
But on the other hand, we all judge on appearance, as it’s the first thing we’re greeted with on meeting a new person: how they look.
Of course, we can then look beyond appearance but initially, that’s a marker of sorts.
I’m no fashion writer and I’m not massively into fashion but I do care about the clothes I wear and the way I present myself.
And when meeting a bunch of new people, I want to give the ‘right’ impression.
With the new school mums, I wanted to fit in, while showing them a bit of who I am.
Having limited outfit choices and a clear idea about the materials and textures I feel comfortable in, as well as the aforementioned capsule colours, makes selecting an outfit easier.
But there are still connotations.
I’ll get honest about it now. Those pleather leggings? I was worried they said SLAG.
Likewise miniskirts, hotpants and bodycon dresses. I wear them all (and love to see other women in them) but not on meeting someone new, I’ve realised.
As a feminist, I believe women should wear whatever they want: no age rules, length rules, time-of-the-day rules, colour rules or any other rules.
Except those you create for yourself, if you choose to.
But I’m also not immune to the media messages about certain outfits meaning a woman (or girl) is ‘asking for it’.
To get serious a moment (trigger warning: sexual assault - scroll to below the dividing line, like the one just above, if you’d like to avoid this section).
There have been trials for rape where the rapist has been acquitted because of the victim’s outfit at the time of the attack.
This is one of the reasons there is still just a 2.2% conviction rate in the UK for the cases that make it to court.
A woman should be able to go out, day or night, in any clothes she likes without being exposed to predatory behaviours.
The clothes are not a silent message welcoming abuse, they are simply the materials she has chosen to put on her body.
Sometimes, I’ve chosen to wear a miniskirt just to disprove the notion that women of a certain age or who’ve had children are no longer allowed.
I do it to rebel.
But I also know that it means more eyes on my body than when I wear baggy trousers and a baggy jumper (my usual attire).
And frankly, at this stage in my life, I’m not looking for anyone to admire my body. I don’t particularly admire it myself and I don’t need that kind of external validation.
I’m more interested in how my body feels than the shape. The shape does matter to me - I wish it didn’t but it does - however, I’m not prepared to diet in order to change it.
I exercise regularly because it feels good and that tends to keep me fairly toned (except my blancmange stomach which, three kids later, just doesn’t want to flatten out).
Back to clothes, though.
About 11 years ago, I was working for a tech company. It had hundreds of employees and was 90% male. Does that matter for what I’m about to tell you? I’m not sure.
I was a copywriter - the lowest rank but on the highest day rate I’d ever been on - and this new line manager had been employed to manage me and our team of about seven.
In she bopped, on day one, in a skin-tight red minidress.
She had a rather incredible physique and I can see why she might have wanted to show it off, but on day one of a new job?
Bold.
It made her seem quite fierce.
But it was also, dare I say it, rather ‘sexy’.
In general, our corporate trying-to-be-cool Farringdon offices encouraged a very casual approach to workwear (jeans, trainers etc). So she really stood out.
Perhaps in a fashion setting - perhaps, because I’ve never been or worked in one - she might have fit in but in this tech bro world, she really stood out.
Maybe that was the point.
I think I would have been so incredibly self-aware in that outfit that I couldn’t understand why and how she was able to seem so relaxed.
(On a night out, I’d have rocked it but not into the office).
But then, she is not me and she is, of course, allowed to wear whatever makes her feel good and ready for the day ahead.
I was just so curious about how that red dress made her feel, and what made that her outfit choice for her first day. I still am.
Anyway, that’s about all I have to say on fashion for now, and possibly ever. But I’d love to hear your thoughts…
How do you decide what to wear when meeting new people?
How do you dress, in general?
Do you create rules for yourself?
If you work from home, do you still get ‘dressed up’ to sit at your laptop?
If you work outside of the home, do you dress differently on work days?
Do you have capsule colours or styles?
Are you happy with your style?
Annie x